The High Priestess: Creating Safe, Sane, and Consensual Boundaries with Cannabis
It’s December, so light one up as we take the time to realign and reflect. As we gallop through the fierce, fiery, and adventurous domain of Sagittarius Season, we’re led deeper into our desires, into what’s worthwhile for us to own and achieve. Represented by the glyph of the archer, Sagittarius is one with the bow and arrow it carries; aiming at its vision with intent and focus. Sagittarius calls us to grow and evolve, and sometimes this means taking stock of different aspects of our life, like our emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing. And while it may not be the most fun thing to think about, sometimes this can help us gain clarity about our relationship with things like cannabis, and how this is helping or hindering our magick.
It’s no shocker that I love cannabis. Although I use it to help with anxiety, I mostly use it recreationally, as a way to relax and bond with loved ones and friends, as well as a part of my spiritual and ritual practice. But lately something’s been off; my body hasn’t been reacting to cannabis the way it usually does. I took a tolerance break earlier this Fall to help with this, but now I am realizing the universe and my spirit guides are most likely yelling at me—through a racing heart and unhappy lungs—to let me know that the way I have been working with this sacred plant medicine isn’t so sacred. Since it’s Sagittarius season, and nearing the end of the year, I decided it would be a good time to readjust my relationship with weed. But I can’t help but wonder: since this is a season when fun and sexiness reign supreme…can I use BDSM to help redefine my relationship with cannabis?
To help me answer the big questions (like how can I be the Domme in my relationship to cannabis instead of having cannabis Domme me?) I talked to professional dominatrix, sex witch and cannabis connoisseur Domina Dia Dynasty. We talk about finding clarity, negotiating boundaries with plant medicine, holding reverence for the spirit of the cannabis plant and how to use kink to whip your relationship with cannabis into shape.
Be Honest About Your Relationship With Cannabis
The first step you’ll want to take in creating a healthier and saner relationship with cannabis is to be honest about what this relationship looks like right now, and how this has shifted since you entered the relationship. Like myself, Dia had a fun and lighthearted relationship with cannabis at the beginning, but after entering a romantic partnership midway through her time Domming at a commercial dungeon seven years ago, things began to shift, causing her to rethink the ways in which she was using cannabis.
“I saw benefits of it that were more in a playful fun way, in loosening my mind up and being creative. Then it started to be this thing that I needed to deal with anxiety and to deal with certain aspects of my relationship that I was very very blind to because I didn’t know what PTSD and trauma looked like in other people,” Dia explained. “I could see it in passing with some of the clients I had or that they would tell me about it, but in living with somebody and having a relationship with them that was intimate on all levels, it was hard for me to understand what was really going on.”
Although she would incorporate cannabis into some of her sessions with clients, either as something to enhance somatic experiences, or to cause some anxiety that she would hold space for and transmute, Dia realized that her relationship with the plant was becoming habitual, and not as conscious as it had been in the beginning. “I had allowed cannabis to dominate me by building a dependency with it. Now as I’ve shifted my relationship with it, it’s not so much that I’m dominating it, it’s more like being in that mode of switchiness,” Dia explains. “I want to have a healthy relationship with it and I don’t want to say ‘I’m quitting’ or ‘I’m not doing it anymore’. It’s more about gaining clarity. As someone who is very switchy and very mutable, it’s better for me to be able to choose something than to be forbidden to not choose something”
In my own case, using cannabis habitually has also become a dependency, one that I feel like I need for social events or to help quell anxious, lonely or worried thoughts. And while I’m okay still using cannabis, I realize that this is not sustainable, and that seeing the plant with more reverence, and seeing its use as something sacred, instead of something super casual, will help me deepen my connection with its spirit.
Get Clear On Your Intention And Re-Negotiate Boundaries
Taking the time to think of how your relationship to cannabis has shifted, and what you want this to look like, will only help you negotiate healthier boundaries with it in the future. This negotiation is something that is also seen in the BDSM world. Before you begin a scene, which is an arranged and consensual BDSM (bondage/ dominance/ discipline/ sadism/ masochism) act, you will negotiate with your partners and decide on any boundaries (so any YES’s and any hard NO’s) you have. When we are reframing our usage of cannabis, whether it’s because we want to have a more conscious relationship with it or because we want to be healthier, we can renegotiate our boundaries in the same way, to support what we do want our relationship with cannabis to look like. Just because Dia is looking for multidimensional clarity with her relationship with cannabis, doesn’t mean that has to be the goal for you to.
If you’re like me, maybe you’re just looking for a healthier physical relationship to your body, or to really honor the reverence of the cannabis plant. Whatever your intention is, getting clear on this before you begin negotiating with yourself can help you set yourself up for success. Having realistic expectations and boundaries for this work is also another big piece of the puzzle. Are you looking to have a more mystical relationship with earth medicine? Or to really only work with the plant when you’re in social situations? Maybe you want to only use it medicinally, and not recreationally. Honor whatever feels true for you in this situation.
“That kind of reframing is really important. I don’t believe in absolutes. So to focus more on clarity isn’t to say ‘I will never do this again,’” Dia explains. “It’s more ‘What do I need now?’ It’s more of a case-by-case thing now. Renegotiating your boundaries in a way that’s like ‘I’m only going to smoke with other people’ or setting down parameters where you decide ‘I’m only going to smoke at a certain time under certain conditions’ and then stick to those so you don’t have regrets later. Pick slightly better choices, slightly better choices; we’re not trying to go the full route, but taking one step at a time”
Taking baby steps to get to where you’re going is okay too; you don’t start a BDSM scene at full force, but build up to the desired intensity so you’re able to sustain it. We’re doing the same thing in reframing our relationship to ganja. Creating boundaries is an act of self-preservation; thinking about what you need and what makes sense for your life is key. If you smoke every day, maybe it makes sense to start with only smoking at night and on the weekends, or only with friends during the week. Maybe you only smoke two joints per week, or work with CBD and not THC. Hold yourself accountable, but don’t forget to have self-compassion and remember why you’re doing this in the first place.
Create Personal Rituals And Protocols
Once we’ve created boundaries or hard limits for ourselves, another big way we can work with cannabis is through sacred intent. We can honor the spirit of the cannabis plant is by blessing it, by holding it with reverence, and by celebrating the spirit of the plant itself. This doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be something as simple as holding your flower, vape, concentrate, or tincture in your hands and thanking it, or charging your flower on your altar.
“Ritualize the use of it, and even before you engage with that ritual with how you smoke or take it in, try blessing it and having that be a part of the ritual,” Dia suggests. “I think all of these components of ritual also allow you to consider if this is something you need right now in this moment. Like where is this need or drive coming from? Am I self-medicating, am I feeding a dependency? Sometimes you’re in the middle of setting up a ritual and you’re like ‘I’m doing this out of fear.’ Sometimes it’s that moment of clarity, like ‘maybe I should put this off until later, or comeback to it when I’m not feeling fearful.’”
You can even make rituals a non-negotiable for yourself, working that into your boundaries, creating your own protocol as it’s known in the BDSM world. A protocol is a ritual you practice in a power-dynamic; it can be putting a collar on the submissive, kissing the boots of the dominant when they enter the room, or having a freshly packed bowl on the nightstand every night. Maybe your personal protocol with cannabis is saying “thank you” to the earth and the cannabis plant and all the people that have helped you connect with it. Maybe it’s smoking out of a sacred crystal bowl whenever you incorporate weed into your witchcraft, or eating a chocolate edible every time you take a ritual bath. Your protocol can even be taking a second to think “do I actually need this right now” and then honoring whatever the answer is. The protocols and ritual have to fit into your life and make sense for you. If they don’t, what’s the point?
Invite Cannabis To The Scene
If we are negotiating our relationship to cannabis as if we were in a scene, then who’s to say that the spirit of cannabis isn’t another partner we have to work with? Who’s to say the Ganja Goddess doesn’t become another willing participant? We can incorporate cannabis into a scene literally, like smoking before a good consensual spanking session or by playing with forced intoxication (consensually getting a partner stoned), and taking note of how the cannabis affects our body, mind, and spirit. And we can also do this in ritual, when we are opening ourselves up to connect to something bigger than ourselves; whether it’s the universe, pleasure, or the actual spirit of the cannabis plant.
“Allow it [the cannabis plant] to speak to you. At the beginning of a ceremony, you can open up to that intention ‘what do you want me to know, what do you want me to see, what do you want me to feel.’ Allow the cannabis to be that wisdom that comes in and shows you things,” Dia suggests.
Whether you’re looking to smoke less, smoke more consciously, or just make sure you’re the Domme in your relationship to cannabis, adding a bit of subversion to the experience can’t help. By getting clear on your intentions, renegotiating your boundaries with cannabis, and creating sacred protocols and rituals you’ll come out on top with your relationship to weed. And if you want to pervert this even more, and work a little sexy kinky stoned magick in there, we’ll that can’t hurt either. So mote it be, witches.